haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
