Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
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So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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