In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
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Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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