chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
