why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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