PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
