i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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