I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
