I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I faked an abortion last night.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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