Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
