you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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