I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
