I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
