My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
