Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
