She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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