I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
