I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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