It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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