Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
