I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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