Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
