Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry about my life...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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