Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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