A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
