Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
