so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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