peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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