In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
