The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
