Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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