I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
