Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
