I'm jealous of your bromance
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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