Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
