I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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