Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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