I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
