As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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