please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize