Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
