I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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