a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
