you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
