Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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