it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
