guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
