how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
