I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
