She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
In America we eat man semen.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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