I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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