I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize