I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
