she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
