i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize