found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
