if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
