i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
