This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
this is an emotional support booty call
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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