If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize