either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
farters have to be the big spoon...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize