fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
