i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
